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every year, when july 4th comes along, i wonder about the significance of a people declaring independence over those who would have dominion over them. especially in this country, the idea that some british nationals would look around their own land and conclude that their compatriots are way too out there and need to get out of there to found a land where rule, order and, perhaps above all, way less sex could find a haven, has always left me wondering about those 'founding fathers.' whoever they were, and whoever they owned, they set in motion a process that, today, unables to celebrate them by buying 187 ml of ...

are you diplomat? do you like shwagbags? you're in luck! or not.

the day the earth stood still makes me feel like i've seen it before. blindness makes me feel uncomfortable. the mast mistress makes me feel like getting my first. mirrors makes me feel like looking at ...

this may be my last post since the patriot act-bots that are sniffing around the internet may see this blog title and haul me away for inciting terrorism against a big box retailer but i assure you, i'm doing nothing of the sort. i'm just a little excited by target coming to my neighborhood, one that is being gently gentrified. and by gently gentrified, i mean from which blacks and puerto-ricans are forcefully being evicted in order to make room for hipsters to come come overbuy

i boughht a thesaurus to see how many ways i could say nooooooooooooooooooooo and i'm getting absolutely not, most certainly not, of course not, under no circumstances, by no means, not at all, negative, never, not really; informal nope, uh-uh, nah, not on your life, no way, no way José, ixnay, nay. hope the message's gotten across.

putting himself where i assume a lot of people have been wishing him to go for years, christopher hitchens decides to try waterboarding. and what looks to my untrained eye as much ado about a $500 mineral water facial wrap seems to perturb old hitch to the point of releasing his safe barbells after a few seconds. pussy.

ok spencer, overall you're right, you most often are. but tell me that you didn't have to catch your breath every time she came on screen and smirked, smiled, shrugged, shot... and tell me that at that moment (you know the one, when she helps him out in the old apartment,) all the men, and most of the women's hearts in your audience did not skip a beat as mine did, wishing, if for a split second, that that could possibly ...

faceless people have been showing up at wimbledon recently. which is a shame, since watching people throw a small yellow ball back and forth seems really fun to watch. which they can't do. because they have no eyes.

that's it, jaguar. now keep going. take another step. keep going. but maybe next time try to make it not look like every other titanium-flavored piece of shit sedan on the road. practice makes perfect! remember where you came from, don't forget your history and just keep going!!!

i'll give you 300 bucks, take it or leave it... please take it. no? please? no chance. oh, well. guess it's just me and my tattoo, unitl i hit the lottery.